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Goremet, Zombie Chef From Hell Review


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I approached Goremet, as a so bad it will be good movie. Was expecting to be similar to Blood Diner, which in itself, had liberally borrowed from Blood Feast. I was not expecting this to knock me over with greatness but was anticipating mindless fun.

Man, was I wrong. I am so glad I had not paid for this, having found this on Youtube. It is not gory at all, has very little violence, a lame, barely coherent plot, and unlikeable characters, that are introduced and then dispatched quickly off screen. This is a shot on Shitteo movie, which I have no problem with, I like both Sledgehammer and Lunchmeat alot and thy were both shot on video, but this quality wise, is far worse. The plot involves a rogue priest, whom in 1383 is punished for the murder of a High Priestess, by being cursed with immortality, so long as he eats human flesh everyday, and if he does not, he will decompose alive. Then it fast forwards 600 years, to where Goza, the aforementioned cursed priest, now owns a beach side deli/bar. Here he has an oafish like assistant kill various poorly developed or not at all even, offscreen and some random Hallowe’en decoration type gore props are shown. It even references A street car named desire, randomly. Pretty much all violence is offscreen, again it always ends with the same clearly plastic fake body parts being highlighted, especially the severed foot prop, which they use on several occasions and is not near effective even the first time.

In the end, the story is almost not there anymore, there was a sub plot about a mystical book that was only method to stop Goza, but that is forgotten later on, there is another sub plot about his brother being the one to stop him, which again is dropped, and finally is the showdown between another priest and Goza, whom make ridiculous hand gestures at each other to fake telekinetic or mystic powers, with really sadly bad results. At least tho, those scenes are laughable, unlike the earlier scene of a topless woman dance party, which ends up being boring, due to the length of it. All in all, this tried to be a horror comedy and it failed badly, it’s only 70mins long but feels like 2 hours, is poorly made, poorly acted and poorly paced. While it is not offensively bad, like say Microwave Massacre. It is not worth checking out even for free.

RATING: F+(48%)

PROS: Some of the nudity is alright I guess, the Goza character was over the top in an okish sort of way, maybe, I guess, the final confrontation is alright.

CONS: Bad pacing, promotes itself as an ultraviolent gore film and is neither, changes and drops plot lines quickly, some way over extended scenes which are clearly there just for the sake of dragging out the time.

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