31 Review






Trailer uploaded to youtube by:  JoBlo Movie Trailers



Again been away, since life continues to suck but enough of me.  Got a Shudder trial, and some of the limited titles on there looked pretty decent, at 5 bucks a month likely keep it. My first pick off this, had not been in a free venue, I would not have bothered.


Don’t get me wrong, I like Rob Zombie, his music is fine enough, some of it bordering on classic, I like his image and his love of the genre.  I loved House of 1000 Corpses,  Devil’s Rejects is my favorite film ever.  However,  Hallowe’en was underwhelming, bordering  on brainless, the sequel was sub par, made very little sense, and I absolutely hated Lords of Salem.  Oh I forgot how unwatchable El Superbeasto was… Or was that time he preached on about remaking the Blob, without any blob in it….  Then came the fact this was crowd funded. sounded cliched, a mixture of various sub par films jammed together.  I am expecting flashy, boring , dreadful schlock, and not in good way we all love every now and then.

Ok, first off Shudder, your controls should be visible by default, this was an annoyance.  And buffering, what the hell?  I don’t have fastest highspeed, it’s 60mpbs, but should not be buffering this much, especially this quickly.  Alright this will become a dual review.  Oh now it crashed completely, and wont reload…

So, bugs worked out, So quick word, from opening sequence, slightly feels familiar, even into title sequence, wow Meg Foster has not aged well, maybe I was wrong on this one?

Alright, well, as expected, is a mishmash of been done before.  Rob seems to have issues with original thought, instead opting for combining things, that often don’t work.  A masterpiece, this is not.  However, as a junk food horror film, it’s loaded with some deliciousness.

The basic premise is your standard, road trip gone wrong.  With mostly unlikeable characters, led by of course,  Sherri Moon Zombie, on a cross country carnival trip, with little to no carnival equipment with them.  Characters are your stock variety, half of which are dispatched immediately, rendering some devolpment they had, oddly as nothing characters, wasted, while leads, had little to none whatsoever.  Characters and dialogue range from mundane to cringeworthy awful.  The leads, besides a Jamaican gentleman, are bland, boring, whiny or deserving of their fates, thru acts of stupidity, or being mundane as hell.

The antagonists, well, some are slightly creative, in the ooohhhh how shocking,  sickhead, being a nazi, hispanic, fould mouthed dwarf, to typical chop top knock off clown brothers, and some rich folk betting on this all, which they all did, for ummm reasons.  There is no explanation as to why, other than wager, over a pentagram.  There seems like a lot of missing plot, plot holes come fast, furious and often.  There is foreshadowing, that either leads to nowhere at all, or doesn’t pay off.  This reminds me a lot of the Barburrito nachos at the local big box centre,  they look pretty good, are messy but not as much as you would want, but also overblown, over priced and don’t really pan out.  They get the job, sure, but when other similar options are available, you wouldn’t choose them.

The story line is most Dangerous game cum The Running Man.  People are randomly lured to a factory of sorts, forced to compete against various serial killers and try to last 12 hours.  No one having done so somehow, despite incompetent and weak killers.  Then for reasons, they’re are all circus themed, cause umm plot sure?   And person’s running this,are dressed in victorian age french garb and wigs, and powder, because…   The 5 survivors, try to work together, to get out of the dark, hopeless, endless mazes, bicker and lose their humanity, having to become psychotic themselves.

That’s all I am putting out for plot, really, that is over stating it.  There is very little.  Atmosphere, as normal is great here, again a 70s setting, which somewhat works and somewhat also makes plot less sensical due to technological limitations.  It’s very dirty, grimy, and dark, has great lighting, and works well in visual sense.  Doomhead, whom is introduced in the opening segment then vanished until climax, was intriguing and underused character.  The other umm heads, ok again why ? on these ridiculous character names?  Were standard tired Zombie cliches, ranging from mundane again to annoying. There was a lot of missed opportunity here,  some odd casting,  Lew Temple doing Bill Moseley as Psycho head aka diet coke of choptop was odd, since Moseley and Zombie work well together.  I liked Richard Brake as Doom-head, he had a great presence and was the perfect military man go mad in 70s much like in Combat Shock, or Forced Entry.

I was expecting this to be a right disaster.  Instead I came out pleasantly surprised with a good mindless little time waster, that looked pretty damn good, flawed as hell and some frustrating points, but was satisfying in the junk food way.  I may lose IQ points for it, but I recommend it, as a fun B movie, drinks or riffs.


RATING:  B- (71%)


Atmosphere, some great sets, visuals are strong.  Decent gore effects, doesn’t lag too much, and Richard Brake is great.


Dialogue, dialogue, and more dialogue, often Eli Roth levels bad.  Mostly unlikeable mains, cliched villains.  More plot holes than I have seen in a very long time.  Why is Sherri Moon the main again, although she is alright in this, it’s tiresome.






31 Films – # 18 – Hallowe’en 4 – The Return of Micheal Myers

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IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095271/



This is a re-watch, I am so beyond behind on this, since my life this year is a disaster, and has had moments that rival a lot of the films on here in grotesqueness. This is also a film that I did not like, the single time I saw it. I remember being disappointed in the lack of gore, the smaller, quicker Micheal, and the crappier mask design. Does my dismay for this film continue…..

In the short answer No.

This is actually a great film. It picks up 10 years after the events of Hallowe’en 2, where Loomis and Myers were supposedly killed in the ether induced explosion…. Well they were not. Myers was in a coma, and Loomis had some minor burns and a limp. Micheal awakes from his coma in a patient transfer ride, and begins his journey back to Haddonfield, to finish off his blood line, via his niece, Laurie’s daughter.

This goes back more to the initial films style, and look more than the second incarnation. It is less graphic and more menacing, which works in some places and fails massively in others. The lack of gore in a very key scene, despite all logic, actually harms this film a lot. If you are looking for a drag out slasher in the series, check out 2, or 5, which while universally panned, I love Hallowe’en 5. I understand the love for this sequel now, it’s a solid film, but still I prefer 5.

RATING: B+(78%)

PROS: Some inventive kills, Loomis has more of an edge to him, good pacing, great atmosphere of the 1980s Hallowe’en evening and feel.

CONS: One scene is so cheaped out on, it harms the film, since it’s in the climax. The lack of gore in it, defies logic. I also really dislike the clean look of the mask in this film, and the smaller, slimmer Micheal was off putting.

31 Films # 16 – Thirteen Ghosts – 2001

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TRAILER Uploaded to Youtube by User: MOVIECLIPS Classic Trailers

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0245674/

This is a re-watch, My niece really wanted to see it. I actually saw this in the theatres with my now ex wife in 2001, which before this year was the worst year of my entire life. For basically the same issues as this year actually. I didn’t remember a lot about it, besides it was alright.

This of course, is the remake of the William Castle classic of the same name, sans gimmick. If you have not seen the original, by all means do so. It is a fun film and the DVD version includes the gimmick version and the ghost viewer. It is one of the most fun ghost films ever, and was reviewed on here several years ago.

As far as remakes go, this is in fact still a decent one to me. It’s very different in theme from the original version, but has some of the fun of it, and is surprisingly well done. Arthur, after losing his wife, receives a video message from an Uncle Cyrus – never trust anyone named Cyrus – whom has passed away and left his substantial home, to his remaining heir. Arthur and kin move in, to an odd, mechanical and glass walled house, only to find, within it’s walls, a sinister secret, and a battle for the fate of the world itself.

The effects are earlier CGI, which I am not a fan of, but for their sake are done well. The variety of ghosts, is different and interesting enough, although a little more explanation would have been made them more appealing. It is surprisngly gory in parts, with a lawyer being sliced in half, and various ghost related carnage, especially in a very strong opening. It tends to lag a little bit, and the twist is not so shocking, but the ending is beyond sappy. All in all, one of the better modern remakes, does respect it’s source and takes it in a unique direction. It’s worth a look.

RATING: B+ (77%)

PROS: Some unique character designs, some good gore moments, a decent plot line, doesn’t disrespect it’s source.

CONS: Annoying side characters, awful, over sentimental ending.

The ghost viewer gimmick, while a plot point in the movie, would have been a fun DVD add on.

31 Films # 12 – Trip With The Teacher Review

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IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070834/


Mill Creek, in your vast library of complete shit, severely cut versions and rough cuts, sometimes lays a complete gem. This is by no means a masterpiece, it’s kind of brainless, and tamer than you would think, but it’s entertaining and gets the job done well enough.

The Teacher, takes her class of usual horror film fodder women, on a day trip into a rural desert type area. There they run into a biker Al – played beautifully over the top by future Softcore Porn director Zalman King, and his cohorts, whom take them hostage and subject them to various degradations, humiliations and sexual assaults, inevitably ending in murder. Let’s face it, it’s in reality a tamer Last House on the Left clone, with Zalman King, playing a watered down, cheesier version of Krug.

This film is well paced, it is sleazy in the good 1970s way and our teacher is quite attractive. Zalman King is a great lead, and does not play it too seriously. This is another example of movie doritos, and it kills it’s relatively short run time well. Given it is part of a lot of Mill Creek packs, it is very cheap cost wise, and if you like the revenge genre spawned by Last House, you should enjoy this watered down clone.

RATING: B- (73%)

PROS: Zalman King is great, the teacher is very attractive, it’s decently paced, and the mains are likeable enough to be semi effective.

CONS: Little violence, is a very watered down Last House clone, some of actions of the victims are completely nonsensical in any form.