31 Review






Trailer uploaded to youtube by:  JoBlo Movie Trailers



Again been away, since life continues to suck but enough of me.  Got a Shudder trial, and some of the limited titles on there looked pretty decent, at 5 bucks a month likely keep it. My first pick off this, had not been in a free venue, I would not have bothered.


Don’t get me wrong, I like Rob Zombie, his music is fine enough, some of it bordering on classic, I like his image and his love of the genre.  I loved House of 1000 Corpses,  Devil’s Rejects is my favorite film ever.  However,  Hallowe’en was underwhelming, bordering  on brainless, the sequel was sub par, made very little sense, and I absolutely hated Lords of Salem.  Oh I forgot how unwatchable El Superbeasto was… Or was that time he preached on about remaking the Blob, without any blob in it….  Then came the fact this was crowd funded. sounded cliched, a mixture of various sub par films jammed together.  I am expecting flashy, boring , dreadful schlock, and not in good way we all love every now and then.

Ok, first off Shudder, your controls should be visible by default, this was an annoyance.  And buffering, what the hell?  I don’t have fastest highspeed, it’s 60mpbs, but should not be buffering this much, especially this quickly.  Alright this will become a dual review.  Oh now it crashed completely, and wont reload…

So, bugs worked out, So quick word, from opening sequence, slightly feels familiar, even into title sequence, wow Meg Foster has not aged well, maybe I was wrong on this one?

Alright, well, as expected, is a mishmash of been done before.  Rob seems to have issues with original thought, instead opting for combining things, that often don’t work.  A masterpiece, this is not.  However, as a junk food horror film, it’s loaded with some deliciousness.

The basic premise is your standard, road trip gone wrong.  With mostly unlikeable characters, led by of course,  Sherri Moon Zombie, on a cross country carnival trip, with little to no carnival equipment with them.  Characters are your stock variety, half of which are dispatched immediately, rendering some devolpment they had, oddly as nothing characters, wasted, while leads, had little to none whatsoever.  Characters and dialogue range from mundane to cringeworthy awful.  The leads, besides a Jamaican gentleman, are bland, boring, whiny or deserving of their fates, thru acts of stupidity, or being mundane as hell.

The antagonists, well, some are slightly creative, in the ooohhhh how shocking,  sickhead, being a nazi, hispanic, fould mouthed dwarf, to typical chop top knock off clown brothers, and some rich folk betting on this all, which they all did, for ummm reasons.  There is no explanation as to why, other than wager, over a pentagram.  There seems like a lot of missing plot, plot holes come fast, furious and often.  There is foreshadowing, that either leads to nowhere at all, or doesn’t pay off.  This reminds me a lot of the Barburrito nachos at the local big box centre,  they look pretty good, are messy but not as much as you would want, but also overblown, over priced and don’t really pan out.  They get the job, sure, but when other similar options are available, you wouldn’t choose them.

The story line is most Dangerous game cum The Running Man.  People are randomly lured to a factory of sorts, forced to compete against various serial killers and try to last 12 hours.  No one having done so somehow, despite incompetent and weak killers.  Then for reasons, they’re are all circus themed, cause umm plot sure?   And person’s running this,are dressed in victorian age french garb and wigs, and powder, because…   The 5 survivors, try to work together, to get out of the dark, hopeless, endless mazes, bicker and lose their humanity, having to become psychotic themselves.

That’s all I am putting out for plot, really, that is over stating it.  There is very little.  Atmosphere, as normal is great here, again a 70s setting, which somewhat works and somewhat also makes plot less sensical due to technological limitations.  It’s very dirty, grimy, and dark, has great lighting, and works well in visual sense.  Doomhead, whom is introduced in the opening segment then vanished until climax, was intriguing and underused character.  The other umm heads, ok again why ? on these ridiculous character names?  Were standard tired Zombie cliches, ranging from mundane again to annoying. There was a lot of missed opportunity here,  some odd casting,  Lew Temple doing Bill Moseley as Psycho head aka diet coke of choptop was odd, since Moseley and Zombie work well together.  I liked Richard Brake as Doom-head, he had a great presence and was the perfect military man go mad in 70s much like in Combat Shock, or Forced Entry.

I was expecting this to be a right disaster.  Instead I came out pleasantly surprised with a good mindless little time waster, that looked pretty damn good, flawed as hell and some frustrating points, but was satisfying in the junk food way.  I may lose IQ points for it, but I recommend it, as a fun B movie, drinks or riffs.


RATING:  B- (71%)


Atmosphere, some great sets, visuals are strong.  Decent gore effects, doesn’t lag too much, and Richard Brake is great.


Dialogue, dialogue, and more dialogue, often Eli Roth levels bad.  Mostly unlikeable mains, cliched villains.  More plot holes than I have seen in a very long time.  Why is Sherri Moon the main again, although she is alright in this, it’s tiresome.






Maniac -2012- Review

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2103217/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1



I was not a fan of the original Maniac. Something in it just never went well for me. Maybe it was Joe Spinell, whom I don’t really buy as threatening, or maybe it was a bad mood, that made me hate it. Honestly, along with Martin, it is in my list re-watches, films that everyone else likes but I hated. Maybe it was a bad mood.

So walking into this, I have zero expectations. Then throw in Elijah Wood as the titular character, and you have potentially lost me.

The plot is nearly identical, a social misfit seeks out women for his collection of sorts and nefarious things transpire. He battles a multiple personality and or schizophrenia. The entire film is shown in first person, with shaky cam galore.

I could really have gone without seeing Frodo get a BJ….while looking mortified the whole time, ironically matching my sentiments exactly. There is a polished faux grindhouse style, using darks, and grainy and griminess, but it comes across as trying to hard. Some plot devices are plain stupid, like the french artist, whom specializes in mannequin photography, and the base story itself has been done to death. Then they went with CGI, why or why go with CGI?? As almost always, it looks really fake, just takes me out of the moment, however it is not always a cardinal sin for me. However when you combine it with other flaws, like a barely there sub par plot, it adds a nice cherry on top of the fuckstorm sundae for me. Which this really was.

Again, I found myself longing for this to end. To the original source’s credit, it had a great series of innovative violence, with some awesome gore. This was run of the mill, shitty CGI, done in the boring modern slasher style. This is almost akin to a torture porn, man kills women, then gets killed. No real plot, no really character development, just some shitty exposition here and there when it is called for. It took every ounce of strength I have to not turn this off. Thankfully it was on Netflix. Boring is an understatement. Elijah Wood goes between monotone and whiny, which makes this all the more painful. The ending itself, is completely laughable, somehow Elijah Wood is impervious to bleeding out and being hit by and ran over by a car. Well, momentarily. The final scene was same as the original, which was also same as Don’t Go in The House. There is absolutely no pay off in this film.

Ok I need positives here, there is a fair bit of female nudity, of various body types, it’s not a shot for shot remake, although maybe that would have been better. Oh and it’s only 89 minutes, not 2 hours or something crazy, although those 89 minutes are longest in recent memory. I guess the neighbour murder was alright. Damn I hate being this negative but this was awful.

RATING: F(45%)

PROS: ummmm, nudity I guess is sort of a pro, maybe…It breaks the POV for about two scenes, which I guess was less annoying. Nora Arnezeder is nicely attractive and a decent lead.

CONS: shaky cam, POV is stupid and pointless, badly miscast, CGI gore, pretty much no plot. Boring to an art form. Has some very heavy pretentious moments. Has 3 writers but still no discernible plot really, and is nowhere near original. I was praying for this to end especially by the 45 minute mark.